Explaining to family and friends why Jesse and I don't want to have a wedding has deemed to be a more difficult task than I had expected. It seems to me that there is still a variety of expectations that surround a marriage and straying away from that norm is frowned upon. While I completely agree that there is validity in the various reasons to have a wedding, we find more validity in our reasons to not have a wedding - and at the end of the day Jesse and I have to do what is best for us.
I feel that it is fair, however, to explain to those that care to know our reasoning behind skipping the tradition. I have researched extensively and tried to figure out the best way to explain our reasoning and I came across this article that sums up, quite brilliantly, a few honest reasons behind not having a wedding. I so appreciate the candid nature of the author and I felt that their reasoning was right up my alley. With that said, I am going to elaborate a bit on their 8 points from my own perspective.
1. I don't want to.
Seriously, this is the best point. There was never a time growing up that I envisioned a big white wedding. Ever. I even had a class assignment in high school where I had to create my own dream wedding. I genuinely had no idea where to even begin. I went with the most cliche options that I could think of and called it good. (I'm sure it didn't appear to be a genuine attempt because I only got a B on the assignment.) After that assignment I didn't think about it again. It wasn't until Jesse proposed that I thought I should start looking into it a bit more... obviously. After some pretty extensive research I realized that I was trying desperately to push away from the traditional wedding norm. I wanted something that was so "unwedding" it wasn't even worth calling it a "wedding." At the end of the day, I wasn't sold on spending an outrageous amount of money for an event I didn't even want to call a "wedding."
2. I don't have to.
"A wedding is not a prerequisite to a marriage." This. Is. Everything. Jesse and I do not have to have a wedding in order to have a marriage. We just don't. We can be married, love each other, support each other, and live our lives as one without spending a dime on a huge extravagant day (seriously, one day that can cost over $10,000?!).
3. A wedding won't better the relationship.
My family tree looks like the human nervous system. It's kind of insane. Basically everyone has been divorced, remarried, divorced, blah blah blah. It often sings a sad song of "happily never after" and it can create some kind of weird disconnect for those of us that aren't interested in hopping on the divorce bandwagon. I don't believe that having a wedding is going to keep us from joining this cult of divorcees that riddle my family. With that said, I'd rather spend time focusing on what it really takes to better the relationship and saving the $10,000+ we'd spend on the one day event of chaos.
4. Stress isn't my thing.
Seriously, how does it make sense that this day not only costs more than a year in college, but also causes unrealistic levels of stress and is still the most desired of all days? I don't believe that working myself into a nausea filled state of chaos is how I should ring in my new life as a married woman.
5. Having been a bridesmaid...
This point isn't true for me. I have never been a bridesmaid. However, I've had the pleasure of being on the outside looking in to a number of weddings. In at least 4 of the weddings I've witnessed, the wedding parties have changed and become smaller and several friendships were completely ruined. Ruined. Jesse and I had a hard time trying to decide if we even had people that we truly wanted to share this intimate time with and when we did decide on these particular people, we both realized that the chaos wasn't worth losing these few people that we love enough to even consider sharing the day with. We both realized that we'd rather sidestep the drama that seems so often a reality at these events.
6. Time
Jesse and I are about 2 weeks out from being parents and the thought of spending an excess of time and effort on something other than our bundle of joy, especially in his first year, seemed foolish. I'd much rather spend the first year of my son's life embracing all the beautiful nuances and joys he has to offer the world.
7. I'm poor.
I know that I've mentioned this a few times in the course of this blog, but spending an outrageous amount of money on one single day seems like a waste of precious resources. Jesse and I are striving for a beautiful and successful life together. I don't believe a wedding will create that foundation. I truly believe that saving our resources and working toward something more lucrative for our future makes more sense.
8. A party will suffice.
Jesse and I are much more interested in spending time laughing and celebrating with those that we truly love and cherish. We don't need to spend extravagant amounts of money, have a dress code, or demand gifts to have a beautiful kick start to our marriage. We just need to gather with our loved ones and enjoy each moment we have to spend together. <3
I am so truly blessed to have a man in my life that makes me want to share forever smiling together, laughing together, and growing together. I am so truly thankful for each of the things that he does for me and for us. I am so looking forward to becoming the best parents we can be and to share this journey with him by my side. (:
Xx,
Soon-to-Be Mrs. Yearley
Note: Reposted from my previous blog.
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