Each year, anniversaries celebrate a different theme. The fifth year of marriage is referred to as the "Wooden" one. Wood, in its numerous forms, is a symbol of strength, durability, & versatility. A fitting symbol for the fifth year of marriage, in my humble opinion. Jesse and I have weathered many storms in the last 6.5 years of being together, each with their own climate, severity of impact and overall lesson(s) to be learned. The beauty in all of these experiences is that there has never been a time in the duration of our time together, or in the last F I V E years of marriage that we have ever been on the brink of separation, nor have we ever had a fight large enough to keep us from sharing the same bed every single night (we're both too stubborn to sleep on the couch...haha!). While we have certainly had times of high tension and overwhelming difficulty, we have been and stand to remain, a unified team through and through. None of this is to be said in boast, but in encouragement that while every marriage will face seasons of severe weather, there can be joy in the midst of it all. It is also said in an effort to share the ways in which we have been able to grow in strength, durability, and versatility like our fifth year theme suggests. To celebrate five years, I am going to share how we have been able to represent the wood theme and why that has been crucial to our marriage.
Strength
As I've shared before in this blog, our relationship was one that was built from the ground up on a solid foundation. It is one that began with friendship, mutual respect and love and has remained as such. We have made every effort to not only establish a well built structure but work daily to maintain it. We are intentional every single day in our friendship. We aren't just married, we are friends who do things together, have fun, laugh and banter regularly. When something is going on in our individual lives, we are discussing with one another - friend to friend. We communicate about the small things and the big things, we seek guidance and refuge in the other's ability to fill the gaps or provide a momentary escape as needed, and we trust that no matter the topic there is safety in sharing it with each other knowing that there isn't a single topic needing of avoidance. This has been crucial to our marriage because it has given us both the ability to become rooted together. We don't have to seek to root elsewhere because we have been able to do so in the comfort of our union and in our trust in God. This has provided us with the ability to develop and maintain relationships with our friends and family that are free from the pressure of needing them to fulfill a missing void where God or our spouse should be. It gives both of us the opportunity to grow and develop branches that are secure and without undue strain.
Durability
Marriage can be a heavy amount of pressure if the foundation isn't stable or is lacking in any way. From the beginning of our relationship, we have made it a priority to work through the baggage that we both brought with us as individuals as it is our past traumas and learned understandings that can make or break us. I shared about it in greater detail in my blog, "We're Working on Our Marriage..." but the main point is this: If you stand to weather the storms, you have to be durable, or you will be worn to the point of inevitable deterioration. We want to be able to take on anything that may come our way with enough sturdiness to keep us from cracking or even breaking, but we also want to have enough flexibility to allow for some bend as needed. This understanding has been crucial for our marriage because it has encouraged us both to work through the things that have inhibited our growth as individuals and stands to negatively impact our marriage. We have been able to see that our personal health is vital to our marital health and learning this lesson over the years has been a key component to our communication and understanding of the inner workings of the other.
Versatility
Change is inevitable. You can't avoid it (although many of us think that we can...). Seasons change, people change, and in that change comes great lesson. Adapting to the season allows us to better experience and even enjoy the changes because we are able to see the positive side of it. When you remain rigid in the change, you lose the opportunity to really learn and evolve. There is very little alteration that can be made to a statue without some destruction (if not total destruction). Much like wood that can be used in a variety of ways, we all have gifts that when utilized in different areas or methods, can be the key to success and overall happiness. This is crucial to our marriage because as individuals, parents, teammates, and friends we are called to utilize different aspects of ourselves. Depending on the situation, we may need to utilize a certain form of communication that in another situation could prove to be detrimental. Being willing to work together to adapt as needed allows for us to depend on one another through a variety of circumstances and not in just one or two areas. We are able to better lean into change as we know that it's not scary, but rather an opportunity for us to utilize our gifts differently and evolve in new ways. Change becomes joyful and adapting together becomes the ultimate goal.
As we celebrate our fifth year of marriage, I am absolutely in awe of all that we have been able to accomplish, grow in, grow from, and learn about. We have come a long way in our ability to communicate effectively, be intentional, and love unconditionally. We have rooted ourselves in being a team and work together to coach our kids in how to be the best teammates they can be, by working to learn and model that ourselves. We make mistakes on a regular basis and in asking for forgiveness have learned to give and receive grace freely. Not a day goes by that is perfect or free from difficulty, but like wood, we have grown to embody strength, durability and versatility.
From the brightest days to the darkest nights, we have remained dedicated to being friends first and lovers second in an effort to maintain the foundation through which we embarked on this journey in the first place. We work together to understand our shortcomings and establish healthy ways to grow in these areas, all the while learning how to best adapt in each season of life that comes our way. Giving grace freely and willingly forgiving one another when we inevitably misstep provides us with the fuel we need to keep sturdy no matter the weather. It is in the last five years that we have seen what a beautiful and God centered marriage is and can be. We are better together, and through hard work and determination, together we will remain.
Cheers to Five Years!
Xx,
Mrs. Yearley
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