This time last year I was fresh in my endeavor to be intentional. I had determined that I wasn't going to establish any resolutions, I wasn't going to make any false claims, or dive head first into the deep end of "New Year, New Me." I was just going to be intentional in everything. I'm serious - everything. I realized that this had become a reality when I was sitting on the toilet reminiscing about the time(s...if I'm being honest...) in college that my roommate and I would steal toilet paper from local restaurants because we couldn't afford to buy more. I chuckled and said a quick "thank you" to Jesus for bringing me through that into this season where I don't have to steal toilet paper. That's right y'all - I pay to wipe now and I'm proud! But all of that is to say that being intentional was merely a thought I had as I was dreading the impending resolution tornado that was rapidly heading our way. I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter to me what I did throughout 2018, as long as I did all of it with a heart attitude of grace, peace and love - intentionally. From that decision was born the rebranding of this blog and a rebranding of my entire life. I didn't expect that it would work because let's face it like most of my endeavors, they don't typically last. I either have grand motivation and dive all in, only to drown a week later, or I think about it deeply and come up with a game plan and then forget about it until it's time to reassess the year again. This time was different though, because from the very beginning, I was intentional. I was faithfully intentional.
My family and I had some really incredible moments in 2018 that we will look back on for years to come. From moving into our new apartment, to celebrating Luke turning 2, to new friends, to further establishing faith, we really grew a lot throughout the year. There were so many moments that I would stop in the midst of another life development and think about the intentionality - whether my own, or someone else's. I started seeing things differently. There were things that would come up and I would think, "Is this really a problem, or is this just my take on the problem?" 9 times out of 10 it was my response and when I was intentional with that response, everything felt better. Looking back I can say that the reason I feel as successful as I do is because I did it through Jesus. When I assessed the intentionality of a circumstance it was through the lens of the Holy Spirit, a lens I was (and am) still adjusting to. I focused deeply on whether or not God was there. If it didn't feel like He was there, I was out. (Believe me, this can be hard to discern and sometimes, I make mistakes and errors in judgement, but when it comes to God, He knows and will provide, regardless.)
While I am certain that there will be more obstacles ahead in 2019 - because I am human, I feel more prepared than ever to take them on. 2019 is already off to a pretty busy start, but nothing has been deeply overbearing, overwhelming or discouraging. Over the last almost 2 years that I've known God, I've learned that no matter what He has planned for us, it will always be good. I know that sounds like a bunch of crap, but it's true. I've never looked back on a tough situation and said, "Well that didn't grow me at all. That made my entire life worse and I have nothing to show for the pain." Not. Ever. I have always grown in one way or another through the trials and obstacles I've had to overcome and I'm thankful for it all. I think the difference now, in this season, is that I have Hope unlike anything I've ever had before. I find it a bit easier to be thankful for the tough things because I know that no matter what, God is for me. He is on my side. He is leading me.
This year, like all the others that I've been blessed with, I have goals and aspirations. But whether or not I am "successful" in any of my endeavors is irrelevant - my focus and attention are on the intentionality behind it all; the Jesus behind it all. I want to continue to live as faithfully, as freely, and as beautifully as God intended it to be. If anything at all, I plan to come through whatever seasons I endure this year a stronger, wiser and more faithful woman. That alone is success. Whether or not I make "right" on a resolution or "gain" or "lose" something, I know Jesus. He knows me. And when that truth is imprinted on your heart, nothing else really matters.
Xx,
Alex
Note: Reposted from my previous blog.
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