Since my husband and I started dating, we were very determined to establish something stable. We wanted a solid foundation that allowed for us to build a family unit that wasn't as susceptible to being damaged or completely broken apart in the various ways that we had so often seen in our own lives and in the lives of those that we grew up with. The determination that we both had encouraged us to put in the necessary work from the very beginning. Between marriage counseling, finding Christ, establishing open & honest communication and seeking mentors for guidance and encouragement, my husband and I have come a long way in the time that we've been together. Many of the mistakes that we had made in past relationships are things that we have been able to identify and remedy together. When we found faith, we came across a marriage workshop that allowed us to come alongside other believers with a fierce desire for marriage that mirrored our own. This workshop is something that has been a consistent part of our lives since 2017 and has breathed life into not only our marriage, but our individual selves, our parenting, our relationships with Christ and with our extended families. A lesson from this workshop that has aided in this breath of life in these different areas was the use of "team" as a reference and description of family.
At first it felt strange referring to our little family as a team. In retrospect, I don't actually know why that felt weird at first... I imagine it has something to do with not having a basis for that understanding. My family was on the broken side of things and the ways in which we functioned weren't that of a team, or at least not a team that intended on winning any games. As we navigated through the lesson in our marriage workshop, I began to understand why "team" really is the most appropriate interpretation of family. I always very much enjoyed being a part of a team when I was a kid. There was something so invigorating about bringing my specific abilities to a team. It allowed me to feel successful, needed and useful. I felt as though I was bringing something in that couldn't be replicated and that sense of uniqueness lifted up my vision of myself deeply. In thinking about this it became strange to me that I hadn't considered our family in this way. Why wouldn't we want to reinforce each of our beautiful gifts as a way to lift us all up? As though a bomb exploded in my head, I realized that family really is where the team mentality should start and end.
As a wife, I am part of a team that works together to coach, lead, and be led toward success. This means that my husband and I will take part in coaching together or, at times, allowing the other to call the plays. We don't know whether we're meant to win any championships, but the best we can do is practice, take some time on the bench when we need it, and then be ready to dive back in when the time calls for it. When I view my husband as a teammate, his unique gifting becomes beneficial to me, rather than problematic or frustrating. I see him as a support where I may be lacking instead of as an opponent playing against me.
As a mom, I am part of a team where I am the coach, the spectator, the cheer team, the offense, the defense, and at times, the coached. This means that while the goal is clear, the playbook is often changing moment to moment. When I view my son as a player on our team, I'm better able to understand how to help him succeed. There are more opportunities for me to utilize his strengths for all of our benefit, rather than having unrealistic expectations of him that will harm all of us in the long run. The difficulty with this particular team mentality is that a play that may work in the moment, may not in the next. This is hard to plan for and even harder to execute effectively. Gratefully, I have a coach that I can turn to when the playbook seems as though it is written in a foreign language.
As a believer, I am part of a team that plays in the game of life for our coach Jesus. This means that I have a specific gifting that allows me to bring something new and exciting to the game. It can't be replicated and is something that I was given for a reason. When I see Jesus as my coach, I feel more capable of taking on the rest of the team responsibilities I have because I know that I'm not the only one on the team. I still don't know if the plan is for us to go to state or win the championship in the last 3 seconds. What I do know is that I have a spot on the team because I was provided with the mercy and grace I never deserved. And for that reason alone, I will do the sprints, take on the hurdles, and give my blood, sweat, and tears until Coach says otherwise.
The team mentality shifts the way we do life because we aren't allowing our differences to hinder us, but rather we are allowing our differences to be the reason between a field goal and a touchdown. What we each bring to the team is specific, unique, and beneficial when utilized effectively. It is in this way that we are able to see one another as helpful rather than hurtful. It really allows us to become a unit, as opposed to individuals. While I embrace who I am and what I have to offer, I know that these offerings allow me to be useful to the team, but also hinder my full growth if left isolated. The only way for all of us to thrive in the world is to be a part of the team. What we may be lacking, someone else is not. This is the beauty of how and why we all were created and have been cultivated over the years.
I encourage you to evaluate your own life from the team perspective. Are you coaching where you should be coached? Are you sprinting when you should be stretching? Are you missing a goalie? How can the team mentality shift your life for the better? I pray that you find ways to utilize this mentality. Shifting out of a singular focus may prove to be more difficult in some respects, but I think that you'll come to find the team mentality allows for more growth and refinement than isolation ever will.
Gooooo Team!
Xx,
Mama Yearley
For more information on the marriage workshop that we are a part of, as well as other resources visit https://familyteams.com/resources/!
Note: Reposted from my previous blog.
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